The Commodification of Connection in the Loneliness Economy

Products often follow problems, and in today’s ‘loneliness economy,’ we’re enticed to flex atrophied social muscles through pay-as-you-go cuddles, friend rental, and chatbots mimicking human intimacy. This commodification of connection highlights our struggle to maintain relationships in an increasingly online world.

Who hasn’t doomscrolled social media, assuming the world’s at a party you weren’t invited to?

The bad news: loneliness is a killer, worse for your health than obesity. The good news: connection is attainable for all of us.

The Importance of Friendship

Friends hold space for us, keep us grounded, and offer perspective and support. Yet balancing work and family life makes maintaining friendships challenging.

Loneliness can creep up without warning, especially with risk factors like bereavement, disability, moving home, poor health, unemployment, or retirement. Many find themselves navigating largely online social waters.

Loneliness is social hunger—your body and mind signaling for connection. Its health impacts are significant, linked to cancer, heart disease, and depression. No wonder the UK appointed a Minister for Loneliness in 2018 after a report revealed more than nine million people in the country felt lonely.

Loneliness isn’t physical—it’s emotional. Here’s how we can lean into connection, make friends, and destigmatize loneliness.

1. Set Aside 200 Hours

Research by Professor Jeffrey Hall shows it takes about 200 hours to turn someone into a close friend:

• 50 hours to go from acquaintance to casual friend.

• 90 hours to reach “friend” status.

• 200 hours for a close friendship.

Consistency is key. Regular meetups can build deep friendships in six weeks, even if you’ve known someone casually for years.

2. Join a Club

School was a friendship pool thanks to “closed systems”—those captive groups we repeatedly interacted with. Clubs recreate this dynamic.

Whether it’s wild swimming, running, knitting, or football, communal activities foster connection. The Danes, champions of leveraging clubs for social cohesion, show why they rank high on the World Happiness Index.

3. Let It Happen

C.S. Lewis famously described friendship as a byproduct of living: “Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travellers.”

Live authentically, pursue your passions, and friendships will naturally attach to you, like sand after a swim in the sea.

4. Find Commonality

Friendships thrive when they’re about something—whether it’s memes, hiking, or deep conversations. As C.S. Lewis noted, “Friendship arises when companions discover they have in common some insight or interest.”

5. Seek a ‘Third Place’

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg’s concept of a “third place” refers to a physical space beyond home and work where connection thrives. Historically, these were cafés and pubs.

While third places are less common today, striking up conversations in parks or coffee shops remains a great way to meet new people.

6. Understand the Seven Pillars of Friendship

Robin Dunbar, an Oxford evolutionary psychologist, outlines seven pillars of friendship in Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships:

1. Language (or dialect)

2. Place of origin

3. Educational trajectory

4. Hobbies and interests

5. Worldview (religious/moral/political)

6. Musical tastes

7. Sense of humour

The more pillars you share, the stronger the bond.

7. Being Alone Doesn’t Mean You’re Lonely

Connection is vital, but solitude can be enriching. You can feel utterly connected while alone and disconnected in a crowd.

As Epictetus observed nearly 2,000 years ago: “A man is not solitary just because he is alone, nor not solitary simply because he is among numbers.”

Some of life’s most fulfilling moments can come from embracing your passions solo, free from compromise.

8. Leverage the Online for Offline

Robert Putnam’s Bowling Alone explores how social structures like churches and bowling leagues have given way to social media. While online platforms often contribute to loneliness, they can also ignite real-life connections when used mindfully.

For instance, online communities such as Discord groups or forums often lead to in-person meetups. If we avoid doomscrolling and instead use the internet to facilitate offline connections, it can be a powerful tool for connection.

Loneliness is a challenge, but the path to connection is open to all. By setting aside time, joining communal spaces, and living authentically, we can foster deep and meaningful relationships while embracing the joy of solitude when it’s needed.